Watching Italy vs France the other night got Gavin and I thinking. We mostly avoid this but the sight of absolutely stunning females in the stands, adorned in all manner of Forza Italia paraphernalia, had unavoidably set us off.
By Ciro De Siena
Italian women are awesome. They’re fantastic to look at for the most part, just watch that new advert for the Peroni Calendar. They love eating – I know that sounds weird but sometimes you go on a date and you just wish the lovely lady sitting opposite you would do more than nibble on her couscous. Italian women love football. It probably has something to do with the ridiculously good looking Italian soccer player but let’s not split hairs here. And of course every brilliant home-cooked meal I’ve ever had has featured an Italian lady in the kitchen. But lastly, and very importantly, Italian women love cars.
Every year the Mille Miglia draws thousands of Italians into the streets to watch the historic race; no less than half of the crowd are female. When the Ferrari, Maserati and Lamborghini test drivers blast through tiny Italian towns at insane speeds on new model test runs, legend has it that women of all ages stand by the side of the road to wave them on. The Ferrari factory is full of passionate women helping to create the next batch of the Prancing Horse’s finest and every Italian woman I’ve ever met knows what a turbocharger is and can explain the offsides rule. It’s a bit weird really.
Unfortunately however, Italian woman are also insane. Completely and utterly bonkers. Loving, loyal and kind but incessantly temperamental, to marry into that is like strapping yourself to the outside of the space shuttle: its going to be very exciting but you are going to get badly burnt on re-entry.
Weirdly enough, almost all of the above applies to Italian cars as well. Owning an Alfa Romeo involves putting your mechanic’s children through school. An old Fiat uses more oil over long distances than petrol and Ferrari garages around the world have two workshops: one for 308s and one for everything else.
Like marrying someone called Fabrizia, or purchasing a slightly used GTV6, you buy into the culture with your heart, and very little of your head.
The Germans realised this at about the same time that the first Golf GTI was created. Perhaps Porsche already knew it for a while before. They realised that cars could be created which people would buy with both their hearts and with their heads. Exciting cars that started when it was cold. Beautiful cars that didn’t explode. Appealing to both the emotional and rational was always going to be great for business; you simultaneously attract accountants and artists. People called Herbert and people called Valentino.
The A5 is quite possibly the best example of this, in a long line of great examples, from a manufacturer that is struggling to put a foot wrong. This car is epic. Gorgeous from any angle, the car attracted a ridiculous amount of attention. It really is a fantastically beautiful machine, simultaneously classic and modern, and much much better looking in the metal.
The cabin is faultless. The sports seats are spot-on, the dash is sculpted around both driver and passenger and the ergonomics of Audi’s Multi Media Interface (MMI) are a delight. These days Audi interiors are so ‘right’ that it’s difficult to talk about them without sounding like an infomercial host. Suffice it to say that it is infinitely more impressive and comfortable in here than in some very high end machinery from other manufacturers.
The unit we tested ran the VW group’s 3.2 V6, which in this model is pretty much all you’ll ever need. Open road fuel consumption is a huge plus, at 120km/h on the highway it always sat below 7 litres/100km. Bear in mind that with your foot flat that figure will almost triple.
The rasp from the engine is classic V6 and in the A5 its not nearly as loud as the same engine in the Golf R32, but its enough to turn heads when you pull away. Dynamically the Quattro drive will almost always keep you on the tarmac, adding a particularly comforting feeling in the wet. Cornering is crisp and confident, you really can do some speed through the twisties. The ride is firm but deals with road imperfections cleanly.
Putting your foot down at almost any speed results in a dramatic forward surge; I found myself dawdling along and then flooring it for no apparent reason. Broad smiles are the order of the day; there really is very little to dislike here. There’s ample space in the back, the boot is generous and for an extra R6400 the Bang and Olufsen sound system is remarkable.
I think the A5 achieves something elusive. It manages to be Fabrizia, the stunning long legged brunette, who’ll cook the most amazing lasagne, scream at the referee and check the oil levels regularly. But this version of Fabrizia will not raise your kids as mercenaries. Or footballists. She won’t throw dishes at your head in an argument and she won’t use your IT business to launder money for her dad.
Like getting down on bended knee for Fabrizia, the A5 is an automobile you can buy for all the right reasons, and all the wrong ones as well.
Prices and specifications for the South African Audi A5:
List Price: R467 500
Price as tested: R540 700
Engine: 3.2 litre V6 FSI
Power: 195kW at 6500rpm
Torque: 330Nm at 3000rpm
Max speed: 245km/h (limited)
Sprint: 0 – 100km/h in 6.4 seconds
Fuel consumption: 11.6 litres/100km (combined cycle)
Suitable for:
Hedge Fund managers who like to DJ.
