Not an estate agent? Don’t PVR Survivor? Don’t forward Vernon Koekemoer jokes? Not a wanker? Boy have we got a car for you! Gentlemen and ladies of leisure, I have immense pleasure in introducing you to the best VW ever made – besides a Veyron or a Phaeton which no-one (except Kevin F****n Pietersen) has driven – the VW CC. Four short letters. Even the TT has more. In fact, I think it’s probably the shortest car name ever. I would have really adorned it with a name more befitting it’s palatial excellence like the VW Ballaestiere or the Steppenwulf, but I guess it is VW after all and they like to “manage expectations”.
From the outside the car is simply eye porn. If you like your grumble flicks with a bit of sophistication that is. Not quite a plot, but a certain gravitas. To continue on the gentlemen’s club theme for the minute my biggest fault with the car was that I couldn’t find the handbrake for quite some time. But I’m not complaining. The big 3.6 slides into life at the touch of a button, and that engine has a few cunning plans inside its cylinder heads. It’s like being strapped in explosives under an Oscar de la Renta ballgown — but a lot more comfortable.
If the spec sheets are to be believed the CC bounds to 100 in 5.6 seconds. It’s quick, but didn’t feel that quick even in Sports mode. But that’s not the point. I have coined a new term for this car. Labradorability. Everyone loves labradors, even mass murderers and Chelsea fans and the CC has kennels of it. People love you, they let you in, they smile even when you’re absolutely canceling them from pull off at stop streets.
Could you justify spending R501 920 (our spec) on a VW though? Mmmmm. The added value alone of standing out from the crowd and not looking like you’re trying is well worth every cent. Drive one. It’s what an A4 is trying to be and is even more loveable than a Merc. BMW doesn’t even enter the equation. That’s a pitbull for grimy streets, where the VW is all manicured lawns, well-adjusted genius children and happiness.
Dropping it back at the car pool was like leaving a Labrador puppy at the SPCA and still hearing it yelping as you walked across the parking lot. Not a dry eye in the house. You’ll buy one, but I doubt you’ll bring yourself to ever sell it. At last, a replacement for the that friendly Hector, the old…ssssshhh… Passat.
Verdict: Smitten.
Gavin Williams
Tags: chelsea, cylinder, genius, kevin pietersen, labradors, lawns, spca, survivor, vernon koekemoer, wanker
Great article!
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wet myself laughing as always, Gav!
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