Car launch: BMW 335i Coupe and Convertible, mid-life tweak edition

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

Waking up at 4am after barely two hours of sleep for a 06:30 Monday morning flight is, um, challenging. I arrived at the newly completed King Shaka airport in Durbs feeling rather bleary and contorted, to say the least, having sat between two former rugby props for what felt like 17 years. I was then immediately bundled into a Kombi, driven 15 metres to a parking lot where my one open eye was greeted by six brand new convertible and coupe BMWs. That sort of sight has the ability to improve your mood by some margin.

After what was probably the briefest press briefing in history, we were asked to pick a car for the first leg of the drive. The first vehicle of the day would be a maroon 335i convertible with flappy paddles. It takes about 5 seconds in this car to realise it is a brilliant machine. It’s athletic, comfortable, well stuck together and damn sexy. It’s by far and away the sportiest 4-seat convertible in it’s segment, barring the special performance models from various marques. But it is also R750 000, which is a lot. Even so, I prefer the coupe.

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Driven: Audi TT RS. What happens when Germans go back to the future

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

I have an unusual habit of picking up test cars using public transport. I once took a Golden Arrow bus to Century City Mercedes Benz to pick up R2.2m worth of S65 AMG Limo Spec, which is almost exactly the opposite of public transport. It has a two TVs and a fridge for goodness’ sake.

The morning I was due to collect the TT RS I surprisingly had few lift options and so made use of the highly efficient and well-mannered minibus taxi service offered in Cape Town central. Sitting in the taxi waiting for it to fill up, so we could leave, I suddenly remembered all the advice about getting into an empty taxi. You literally wait. Until. It fills up. And then you leave. When the taxi driver has finished his lunch.

This gave my current vehicle a 0 – 100km/h sprint time of 24 minutes. Which is exactly 23 minutes and 55.4 seconds slower than the Audi TTRS I was about to be driving for a week.

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Driven: Honda Jazz. Cue unneccessary smiling

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

Gavin, my co-editor, is quite an observationalist. He spots things that most wouldn’t, and then relays the information in an often hilarious manner. Once he’s made me notice something, I can very rarely ignore it. Like the way Vic Maharaj, a panellist on SuperSport’s Formula 1 show, begins every sentence with ‘basically’. I’ve probably ruined that for you now.

Another astute observation that has stayed with me concerns Jazz musicians. They’re the only musicians on earth who seem to make a habit of having more fun than the audience. Watch the next jazz band you see carefully; they’ll constantly smile at each other, simultaneously nodding in approval of each other’s astonishing musical ability. It’s nauseating. We bought the tickets, we’ve paid for your awful checkered pants and we’re over here, you wallies.

Luckily, the Honda Jazz is exactly the opposite of the genre. Like most Hondas, it gets on with the job of being a great little car with absolutely no fuss or pointless posturing, allowing you, the driver, who paid for thing, to enjoy it. A saxophonist’s vehicle this isn’t.

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Driven: The Chevrolet Cruze. Welcome to America.

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010
The World Touring Car Championship (WTCC) is ace.  They race on dangerous street circuits and wing mirrors are used in the same way elbows are in Uruguayan football matches.  A BMW even ploughed into the safety car at high speed last year.  It’s the motorsport equivalent of wearing a red shirt and a petrol bomb in the centre of Bangkok the last couple of weeks.

And the Chevy Cruze is one of the cars that contests the championship and it’s absolutely got nothing in common with the one we drove besides the number of steering wheels.

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Driven: Suzuki Jimny. Jack Parow says ‘maybe’

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

It’s difficult to explain how much I love the Suzuki Jimny. And it’s not my fault, I am after all, an impartial motoring journalist. But quite accidentally, or maybe on purpose, Suzuki have built a car that is incredibly endearing. Not liking the Jimny would be like not liking a Jack Russel puppy. Or a four year old girl with blonde curls. Or a that little girl’s little hamster, Smartie.

It is, for all intents and purposes, a niche car. There is no boot to speak of, but you can remove the backseats which helps. It is very narrow, and quite cramped if you’re over 6 foot tall. But I’m not, so it’s perfect.

Full gallery of our little test after the jump > (more…)

Combing Beaches and Other 80s Slang.

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

The Suzuki SJ410 was one of the most cultish cars ever.  It was a Beechies ad wrapped in a day-glo Gotcha jacket with Sambuca stains on the lapel at your parent’s holiday house in Umdloti where you had your first sexual experience on some rocks with a shark tooth necklace and a head full of ideas nicked from glimpses of Michelle Pfeiffer’s funbags. It was in the purest sense, fun and I’m pretty convinced Suzuki had no idea what they were doing.

Like windsurfing, but manageable and vaguely cool.

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Driven (over there): The 2010 Subaru Legacy 2.5GT Sedan

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010

“Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism dude, at least it’s an ethos”-Walter Sobchak The Big Lebowski.

I love companies with an ethos.  BMW with rear wheel drive. Coca-Cola with Stalinesque world domination. Google for having to remind themselves not to be evil. Dolce & Gabbana with making pants that only fit 14 year old street urchins (which is a nice change to companies whose clothes are made by 14 year old street urchins).  The list goes on and Subaru is firmly on it.  It’s patented and ubiquitous All Wheel Drive System is second only to quattro perhaps. With Audi bringing out the next generation of its game changing system on the RS5 soon, the new Legacy would have to be better than its last incarnation.  That’s kind of the point of making newer versions of cars isn’t it?  The brilliant (and not because I just bought one) previous gen has dedicated fan forums all over the world.

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Driven (very quickly): The Audi R8 V10

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

Audi R8 V10, Subaru WRX Sport, 2am, Hels Hoogte Pass, Stellenbosch.

These days, the people’s car company makes a car for every person on earth. Volkswagen is now a very big family, having gobbled up Audi, Lamborghini, Bentley, Seat, Skoda and even Bugatti.

And if soap operas have taught us anything it’s that families suffer sibling rivalries. Which is exactly what prevented the Audi R8 from getting the engine it always deserved: The 5.2 litre V10 from it’s flashier older brother, the Lamborghini Gallardo.
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Driven: The new BMW “We shouldn’t want one but we do” Z4

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Gavin didn't get to drive his through a Dulux factory, unfortunately.

Let’s be honest, there are certain things women didn’t traditionally do. Like drinking until throwing up on a fern in an Umhlanga hotel lobby or just throwing. Until recently the world of car design has been as male-dominated as a Premier League changing room. But the new Z4 is, wait for it…designed by two women; Juliane Blasi and Nadya Arnaout and fair play to BMW for giving the ladies a crack. I suspect it might be some sort of guilt-laden PC response to all the male chauvinist BMW owners in Ray-Bans and Sasoons who were responsible for 80s divorce rates.

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Driven (loudly) – The SL 63 AMG MadMan Edition

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

Every now and then a movie comes along which quite simply blows you away. A Dark Knight was that movie for me. It is a masterful arrangement of celluloid; a symphony of action, suspense, emotion and well, explosions really.

Heath Ledger was remarkable as the joker: he personified evil. His polar opposite is obviously our winged hero, in a thankfully less camp batsuit. And representing both sides in one tormented and twisted character: TwoFace. This poor bugger starts of a charming bastion of all that is saintly until someone really pisses him off, creating the most frightening villain imaginable since Anton Chigur in No Country for Old Men.

Click through for the full write up, plus video…

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